The Ugly Truth...Numbers Don't Lie

I have never made these numbers public in my life, but it's part of my accountability.  Even if no one else reads them, I know they're here, and it's the last time I ever want to post numbers that look like this.  They disgust me.

Today's numbers:

Weight (in lbs):  194.4
BMI:  33.4 OBESE

Measurements (in inches):

Neck: 13.5
Bust: 41.5 (with sports bra on)
Waist:  38
Hips:  46
Left Arm: 14.5                       Right Arm:  14.5
Left Thigh: 27                       Right Thigh:  27.5
Left Calf: 16.5                       Right Calf:  17

Reactions:  I have to tell you, these numbers (especially the weight) literally make me ill.  The body that I thought was doing "ok" clearly isn't. 

I honestly thought that exercising "once in awhile" would keep me ok.  As I felt changes in my clothes (mostly the roll below my bust, or in my jeans), I would exercise more, cut down portions, make better choices, etc.  It would work after a week or so, and then I would go back to normal.  Hence..."the cycle."  I can't really blame it on "the holidays," PMS or "vacations."  This is my LIFE CYCLE.  Now my LIFE CYCLE needs to change. PERMANENTLY.

I am not looking forward to taking my picture.  I know I need to.  I need to see visual changes and results. 

Before I begin the 90 day challenge....

On Monday, I'm going to start a 90 day Challenge. I am nervous...why? Because I'm scared that I won't follow through. Life is a journey, and so I know that at the end of 90 days, I won't be finished until I'm dead! But every time I've changed my eating & exercise habits, I always revert back to the old me. :-/ And all my bad habits. I need to break the cycle I've created, so that I can gain my health & feel better about how I feel & look.

I weighed myself for the first time in about 9 months, and I thought I had maintained in the 180s. Which is still not good, and I have felt the ups & downs (admittedly, mostly ups) through the tightness/looseness of my clothes. But I didn't fathom that I was back up in the 190s again. It's so discouraging! I just want to be NORMAL! To eat like a NORMAL person - NOT. on a "diet," not watching portion sizes... But then again, look at "normal" America, and what is considered "normal?" Overweight, obese & out of control people! Maybe I don't want to be so "normal" after all...

So through this 90 day challenge, there will be a lot of determination, sweat, tears & hopefully joy thrown in there as well. I know it won't be easy - nothing worth having ever is! But I have to finally make the time and DO it! I'm worth it, aren't I?