Wow, some great lessons learned over the last 7 days....
Last week was super crazy! My class this year had a final "end of the year" trip planned to Triple Play - an indoor water park, arcade, mini golf, etc. to celebrate the end of the year. Well, since our year wrapped up early, it was more like a "class reunion" rather than end of the year celebration!
However, I gave myself "permission" to just have fun - ie have any/all junk food I wanted. BIG MISTAKE! Frankly, I didn't each MUCH, but what I did were bad choices (and all my old "vices"): soda, a bit of candy, fritos with chilli & cheese, etc., etc. OH MY GOSH! I paid for that for TWO DAYS while it all worked out of my system. That was on Thursday, and I noticed on my run on Sunday I was STILL paying for it (sluggish, out of breath, etc.). Won't do that again - PROMISE!
Yesterday was Memorial Day, and we hummed and hahed about what to do. Dan really wanted to finish the other side of the garage roof (we already repaired the side that had the leak). And I know that he really wanted to just say "IT'S DONE!" but his family really wanted him to head up past Grangeville (as per Kinnick Memorial tradition) for "day camping." The rest of the Kinnick clan actually CAMPS, but since my dear hubby works all weekend, we only go up and "day camp" on Monday.
So we did....
It was great to get away, exhausting because of the great mountain air, sunshine and as with any family gathering, emotional overload. (Everything from the kids acting up to being compared to the ex wife.) But once the kids settled down, shot a few rounds (yes, I do mean bullets) and everyone roasted a few weenies, it was good.
Although I had to admit, once I got the camp fire smell showered off (I do love that smell), and layed in bed, I had a few tears flowing from my eyes. (I've perfected the art of silent crying, as to not disturb my hubby with my emotional overload.) The comments - although forgiven - hurt. I wanted to shoot the gun too, but then didn't want it to be a competition (like everything else turns in to) because I'm a beginner and suck at shooting. (I'm right handed, and want to shoot right handed with my left eye...which is WRONG.) I'm used to being good at the things I do. I don't mind being "bad" at shooting - I know I need to learn and practice, but I don't want the jeers of competition while I'm doing it....
And then hubby mentions taking the kids camping this summer because he knows I have to work.... THAT hurt. More than the ex-comparison, more than anything else. I don't want to keep my family from having a fun time, but I want to be there too. There's no "right answer" to this solution. And oh - by the way..... that's some thing that also happened with the ex a lot - Dan and the kids would go camping a lot without her because she (frankly) didn't like camping and was "too busy" to go. I LIKE camping and I HAVE to work since I make a piddly income. What to do???
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Friday, May 18, 2012
Is it almost done???
Yes, yes, today is the "official' last day of our school year because it's been an INSANE year! Going from our school building (which was sold underneath us) to my boss' house has been an incredible struggle this week. Not only that, but each and every day my kids get more "Summeritius." (I think this is a serious yearly disease that needs to truly be studied!!!) Let's just say it's truly been a challenge this week...
And I think that God is truly opening a door and closing another....
This next week I'm supposed to be helping out my boss with her new "venture" with her inhome daycare. This is because originally, our school year was supposed to go through June 5th. However, I have found that a local school district is in frantic need of substitutes! Although this probably means I won't get my FULL "contract" pay from my private teaching job, I will be DONE with that adventure (a relief in itself) and possibly not only earn a few $$ from subbing, but possibly get my foot in the door to that school district as well. (Which would be a relief knowing that I have a "real" teaching job this fall. "Plan B" for fall right now is to sub around in all the area schools - there are 4 local districts that I have to choose from.)
My first prayer is that God shows me His will. I know first hand the frustration of having a "plan" and thinking..."Is this not happening because of something I'm doing? Or is it just not HIS WILL?" And I know that God's Will for me is certainly better for me in the end. I might have some trials and tribulations (like this past school year), but undoubtedly, I will come out a better person because of it.
So, if you're a person of prayer, please keep me in your prayers. I certainly don't want to overload myself again (as I'm famous for doing), but I also want to just get myself to a point where I have A (ONE, SINGULAR) job, and it's providing what we need financially for our budget. Is that really too much to ask????
And I think that God is truly opening a door and closing another....
This next week I'm supposed to be helping out my boss with her new "venture" with her inhome daycare. This is because originally, our school year was supposed to go through June 5th. However, I have found that a local school district is in frantic need of substitutes! Although this probably means I won't get my FULL "contract" pay from my private teaching job, I will be DONE with that adventure (a relief in itself) and possibly not only earn a few $$ from subbing, but possibly get my foot in the door to that school district as well. (Which would be a relief knowing that I have a "real" teaching job this fall. "Plan B" for fall right now is to sub around in all the area schools - there are 4 local districts that I have to choose from.)
My first prayer is that God shows me His will. I know first hand the frustration of having a "plan" and thinking..."Is this not happening because of something I'm doing? Or is it just not HIS WILL?" And I know that God's Will for me is certainly better for me in the end. I might have some trials and tribulations (like this past school year), but undoubtedly, I will come out a better person because of it.
So, if you're a person of prayer, please keep me in your prayers. I certainly don't want to overload myself again (as I'm famous for doing), but I also want to just get myself to a point where I have A (ONE, SINGULAR) job, and it's providing what we need financially for our budget. Is that really too much to ask????
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Continuing the craziness...
Well, if last week was the crazy week from hell, this is probably the continuation of that week, just a different location.
So "technically" speaking, as of last Friday, we lost our building to our school and daycare that I work for. We shortened up the school year to end on the 24th (end of May before Memorial weekend) and had a goal to finish it out at my boss' house.
That's my 6 students.
That's with her 7 students.
AND 7 day care kids....3 under the age of 1.
Well, as expected, Monday was complete chaos. Not only was the new location a huge issue, but my boss has a decent sized house, but there were just TOO MANY BODIES! So my class meets outside until lunch time. At that point, we have no more shade out back, we've been outside for WAY too long (we're exhausted) and the heat just starts to get to us.
Fortunately, the rest of the week is supposed to be cooler. However, we've hit a high of 94 degrees on Tuesday. :-/ No matter how much sunscreen-lubbing up we're doing, there's always SOMEONE who gets too much sun. I, myself have quite the tan going on...not that it's my goal. But you know that when you use sunscreen SPF 55 for your "moisturizer" first thing out of the shower, you know you're going to get touched by the sun! (And yes, I keep re-applying.)
By noon school is "done." Not because we're so good at staying on task, but because they're spent. After lunch we do a bit of "reading buddies" with the younger ones and then by 1:00, they're DONE. A lot of water play has been happening, and then for the most part, I'm recess duty until 3:15 when I BUST outta there.
It's crazy.
Well, we've now shortened up the "year" to end Friday - yes, thank GOD tomorrow! And I will continue to come in next week in the mornings to help her out with the daycare kids because I still want to be paid through my contract and NEED that income.
In the meantime, what does this mean for my health? sheesh...
I'm exhausted, so I'm going to bed early, still waking up early. No "real" exercise except on the weekends (however, I'm still "active" outside with the kids - moreso now than ever). I'm still eating well, but by noon I'm having my Shakeology for lunch and minimal for dinner. When I get overheated, I just can NOT eat. Fruit or carrots are my snacks, so that's good, and drinking water and iced tea like CRAZY!
To add more "craziness" to it all, I'm working with my son's Parent Group for football, and I'm in charge of the Football program this year. I took it on ONLY because I thought this would be a "summer project." HA! The "summer project" is already in full swing! Gathering advertisements, calling for bids (for printing), etc., etc. OI! What did I get myself into?
Just really excited for Memorial Day weekend - the "signal" that I get my life BACK!
Until next time...
So "technically" speaking, as of last Friday, we lost our building to our school and daycare that I work for. We shortened up the school year to end on the 24th (end of May before Memorial weekend) and had a goal to finish it out at my boss' house.
That's my 6 students.
That's with her 7 students.
AND 7 day care kids....3 under the age of 1.
Well, as expected, Monday was complete chaos. Not only was the new location a huge issue, but my boss has a decent sized house, but there were just TOO MANY BODIES! So my class meets outside until lunch time. At that point, we have no more shade out back, we've been outside for WAY too long (we're exhausted) and the heat just starts to get to us.
Fortunately, the rest of the week is supposed to be cooler. However, we've hit a high of 94 degrees on Tuesday. :-/ No matter how much sunscreen-lubbing up we're doing, there's always SOMEONE who gets too much sun. I, myself have quite the tan going on...not that it's my goal. But you know that when you use sunscreen SPF 55 for your "moisturizer" first thing out of the shower, you know you're going to get touched by the sun! (And yes, I keep re-applying.)
By noon school is "done." Not because we're so good at staying on task, but because they're spent. After lunch we do a bit of "reading buddies" with the younger ones and then by 1:00, they're DONE. A lot of water play has been happening, and then for the most part, I'm recess duty until 3:15 when I BUST outta there.
It's crazy.
Well, we've now shortened up the "year" to end Friday - yes, thank GOD tomorrow! And I will continue to come in next week in the mornings to help her out with the daycare kids because I still want to be paid through my contract and NEED that income.
In the meantime, what does this mean for my health? sheesh...
I'm exhausted, so I'm going to bed early, still waking up early. No "real" exercise except on the weekends (however, I'm still "active" outside with the kids - moreso now than ever). I'm still eating well, but by noon I'm having my Shakeology for lunch and minimal for dinner. When I get overheated, I just can NOT eat. Fruit or carrots are my snacks, so that's good, and drinking water and iced tea like CRAZY!
To add more "craziness" to it all, I'm working with my son's Parent Group for football, and I'm in charge of the Football program this year. I took it on ONLY because I thought this would be a "summer project." HA! The "summer project" is already in full swing! Gathering advertisements, calling for bids (for printing), etc., etc. OI! What did I get myself into?
Just really excited for Memorial Day weekend - the "signal" that I get my life BACK!
Until next time...
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Crazy week from you-know-where
Well, I have to admit, I'm sliding off the wagon, and it's a slippery slope.
It's funny, because like with most issues, you never INTEND to slip off the wagon.
You never INTEND to go to bad habits.
You never INTEND to undo all your hard work.
But unless you're consciously aware, you can undo it all and not only be back to square one, but starting back in the place even worse than before.
What's going on? Stress in the worst, worst way.
- First, this week is "Luau" week. It's SUPPOSED to be an end-of-the-year fundraiser that my private school puts on to get ready for scholarships for the next year, and supplies for the next year as well as the daycare that my boss owns. Since our building has been bought out from under us and we're forced to be out by the end of next week, and the so-said boss is not good at business dealings, it's the "oh-crap-cover-my-bills" fundraiser. I know my last 4 checks are coming from this fundraiser. So whereas I don't truly support the reason why it is (to cover her debt), I have a vested interest in it's success.
Because it's crazy luau week, my boss has had all kinds of special requests for my kids to create things to sell at the silent auction at this event, and I have a BIG problem with the fact that these projects take presidence over education. But I do what I'm told.
- Meanwhile, while the parents of the daycare kids are pulling their children, as they should. It's sad to see some of those little faces leave. I know that I haven't been their main "teacher" in the daycare, but they are sweet, and I will miss them. However, some of them (seven to be precise) will be "following" us to the new location of my boss' house when school resumes in her home. We have 9 days to finish out in her home. Her husband will be working graveyard (meaning: we need to be quiet) with 18 students and 7 daycare kids (3 of them under the age of 1). HOW IN GOD'S NAME IS THAT GOING TO HAPPEN? I know that those 9 days I will be more of a "daycare person" than a "teacher." And it really bothers me.
- Ok, remember that it's Luau week? We have Friday off (to set up for it). Guess what, I won tickets to go see Mark Gungor (Christian Marriage seminar person, author of "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage") in Tri-Cities! Guess what weekend....??? Yep, Luau weekend. So on Friday (today), I'm heading out of town instead of setting up. Yes, I'm in "trouble" for it. But I don't get paid to work the Luau, and I certainly don't get paid to set up for it, and my marriage is more important than the Luau. We're still newlyweds setting the foundation of our life-long covenant, and it's more important. HOWEVER - YES - I'm going to be able to be back to "work" the Luau. No...I'm not winning brownie points by not setting up...
- Speaking of the Mark Gungor series, the reason why I won tickets in Tri-Cities (instead of the CLOSER Spokane seminar) is because my family is located in TC. And whenever we can, we try to go to TC and catch up with them. We usually try to stay with a family member as well - not only to save us on $$ for a hotel, but so we can spend the added time with family. I tried to set it up to stay the night with my dad, and without getting into too much of the issues, I was basically told that if I come, not to involve him.
I was accused of being a bad mom (for leaving my children for 24 hours). NOT because they can't handle themselves (one is staying with family friends, and the other is 16). But because I desired to attend a MARRIAGE seminar and spend 24 hrs. with my hubby SOLO - without children. (Children.....at a marriage seminar???) Plus, to come with us, I'd have to pull them out of school early - another household no-no. So I'm deemed a "bad mom." Uninvolved mom. Same mom that went to a Varsity football meeting (for next season) and is heading up 2 key committees...yep...BAD MOM.
However I KNOW the "allegations" are NOT true, it still hurts.
This is my father of my childhood - quick to judge, even if he's the pot calling kettle black. Time and time again, I've forgiven (even without apologies) primarily for the sake of my children, but the hurt is hard to forget. This is a final straw. In time, I will continue to forgive, but I will lessen contact even more to prevent the continuous verbal onslaught. The sadness is that he continues to live in my mom's house (my mom passed away 2 1/2 yrs ago), and I know in his continued grief, he has yet to allow any other family member to have any of her things - they are all still horded away in the house. *sigh* But it's just stuff.
So that's my stress, and the week is yet over. My husband and I are excited about getting away, even if it's only for 24 short hours, and spend some needed 1-on-1 time together. Hopefully, it will all be worth the stress!
It's funny, because like with most issues, you never INTEND to slip off the wagon.
You never INTEND to go to bad habits.
You never INTEND to undo all your hard work.
But unless you're consciously aware, you can undo it all and not only be back to square one, but starting back in the place even worse than before.
What's going on? Stress in the worst, worst way.
- First, this week is "Luau" week. It's SUPPOSED to be an end-of-the-year fundraiser that my private school puts on to get ready for scholarships for the next year, and supplies for the next year as well as the daycare that my boss owns. Since our building has been bought out from under us and we're forced to be out by the end of next week, and the so-said boss is not good at business dealings, it's the "oh-crap-cover-my-bills" fundraiser. I know my last 4 checks are coming from this fundraiser. So whereas I don't truly support the reason why it is (to cover her debt), I have a vested interest in it's success.
Because it's crazy luau week, my boss has had all kinds of special requests for my kids to create things to sell at the silent auction at this event, and I have a BIG problem with the fact that these projects take presidence over education. But I do what I'm told.
- Meanwhile, while the parents of the daycare kids are pulling their children, as they should. It's sad to see some of those little faces leave. I know that I haven't been their main "teacher" in the daycare, but they are sweet, and I will miss them. However, some of them (seven to be precise) will be "following" us to the new location of my boss' house when school resumes in her home. We have 9 days to finish out in her home. Her husband will be working graveyard (meaning: we need to be quiet) with 18 students and 7 daycare kids (3 of them under the age of 1). HOW IN GOD'S NAME IS THAT GOING TO HAPPEN? I know that those 9 days I will be more of a "daycare person" than a "teacher." And it really bothers me.
- Ok, remember that it's Luau week? We have Friday off (to set up for it). Guess what, I won tickets to go see Mark Gungor (Christian Marriage seminar person, author of "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage") in Tri-Cities! Guess what weekend....??? Yep, Luau weekend. So on Friday (today), I'm heading out of town instead of setting up. Yes, I'm in "trouble" for it. But I don't get paid to work the Luau, and I certainly don't get paid to set up for it, and my marriage is more important than the Luau. We're still newlyweds setting the foundation of our life-long covenant, and it's more important. HOWEVER - YES - I'm going to be able to be back to "work" the Luau. No...I'm not winning brownie points by not setting up...
- Speaking of the Mark Gungor series, the reason why I won tickets in Tri-Cities (instead of the CLOSER Spokane seminar) is because my family is located in TC. And whenever we can, we try to go to TC and catch up with them. We usually try to stay with a family member as well - not only to save us on $$ for a hotel, but so we can spend the added time with family. I tried to set it up to stay the night with my dad, and without getting into too much of the issues, I was basically told that if I come, not to involve him.
I was accused of being a bad mom (for leaving my children for 24 hours). NOT because they can't handle themselves (one is staying with family friends, and the other is 16). But because I desired to attend a MARRIAGE seminar and spend 24 hrs. with my hubby SOLO - without children. (Children.....at a marriage seminar???) Plus, to come with us, I'd have to pull them out of school early - another household no-no. So I'm deemed a "bad mom." Uninvolved mom. Same mom that went to a Varsity football meeting (for next season) and is heading up 2 key committees...yep...BAD MOM.
However I KNOW the "allegations" are NOT true, it still hurts.
This is my father of my childhood - quick to judge, even if he's the pot calling kettle black. Time and time again, I've forgiven (even without apologies) primarily for the sake of my children, but the hurt is hard to forget. This is a final straw. In time, I will continue to forgive, but I will lessen contact even more to prevent the continuous verbal onslaught. The sadness is that he continues to live in my mom's house (my mom passed away 2 1/2 yrs ago), and I know in his continued grief, he has yet to allow any other family member to have any of her things - they are all still horded away in the house. *sigh* But it's just stuff.
So that's my stress, and the week is yet over. My husband and I are excited about getting away, even if it's only for 24 short hours, and spend some needed 1-on-1 time together. Hopefully, it will all be worth the stress!
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