Well, I have to admit, I'm sliding off the wagon, and it's a slippery slope.
It's funny, because like with most issues, you never INTEND to slip off the wagon.
You never INTEND to go to bad habits.
You never INTEND to undo all your hard work.
But unless you're consciously aware, you can undo it all and not only be back to square one, but starting back in the place even worse than before.
What's going on? Stress in the worst, worst way.
- First, this week is "Luau" week. It's SUPPOSED to be an end-of-the-year fundraiser that my private school puts on to get ready for scholarships for the next year, and supplies for the next year as well as the daycare that my boss owns. Since our building has been bought out from under us and we're forced to be out by the end of next week, and the so-said boss is not good at business dealings, it's the "oh-crap-cover-my-bills" fundraiser. I know my last 4 checks are coming from this fundraiser. So whereas I don't truly support the reason why it is (to cover her debt), I have a vested interest in it's success.
Because it's crazy luau week, my boss has had all kinds of special requests for my kids to create things to sell at the silent auction at this event, and I have a BIG problem with the fact that these projects take presidence over education. But I do what I'm told.
- Meanwhile, while the parents of the daycare kids are pulling their children, as they should. It's sad to see some of those little faces leave. I know that I haven't been their main "teacher" in the daycare, but they are sweet, and I will miss them. However, some of them (seven to be precise) will be "following" us to the new location of my boss' house when school resumes in her home. We have 9 days to finish out in her home. Her husband will be working graveyard (meaning: we need to be quiet) with 18 students and 7 daycare kids (3 of them under the age of 1). HOW IN GOD'S NAME IS THAT GOING TO HAPPEN? I know that those 9 days I will be more of a "daycare person" than a "teacher." And it really bothers me.
- Ok, remember that it's Luau week? We have Friday off (to set up for it). Guess what, I won tickets to go see Mark Gungor (Christian Marriage seminar person, author of "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage") in Tri-Cities! Guess what weekend....??? Yep, Luau weekend. So on Friday (today), I'm heading out of town instead of setting up. Yes, I'm in "trouble" for it. But I don't get paid to work the Luau, and I certainly don't get paid to set up for it, and my marriage is more important than the Luau. We're still newlyweds setting the foundation of our life-long covenant, and it's more important. HOWEVER - YES - I'm going to be able to be back to "work" the Luau. No...I'm not winning brownie points by not setting up...
- Speaking of the Mark Gungor series, the reason why I won tickets in Tri-Cities (instead of the CLOSER Spokane seminar) is because my family is located in TC. And whenever we can, we try to go to TC and catch up with them. We usually try to stay with a family member as well - not only to save us on $$ for a hotel, but so we can spend the added time with family. I tried to set it up to stay the night with my dad, and without getting into too much of the issues, I was basically told that if I come, not to involve him.
I was accused of being a bad mom (for leaving my children for 24 hours). NOT because they can't handle themselves (one is staying with family friends, and the other is 16). But because I desired to attend a MARRIAGE seminar and spend 24 hrs. with my hubby SOLO - without children. (Children.....at a marriage seminar???) Plus, to come with us, I'd have to pull them out of school early - another household no-no. So I'm deemed a "bad mom." Uninvolved mom. Same mom that went to a Varsity football meeting (for next season) and is heading up 2 key committees...yep...BAD MOM.
However I KNOW the "allegations" are NOT true, it still hurts.
This is my father of my childhood - quick to judge, even if he's the pot calling kettle black. Time and time again, I've forgiven (even without apologies) primarily for the sake of my children, but the hurt is hard to forget. This is a final straw. In time, I will continue to forgive, but I will lessen contact even more to prevent the continuous verbal onslaught. The sadness is that he continues to live in my mom's house (my mom passed away 2 1/2 yrs ago), and I know in his continued grief, he has yet to allow any other family member to have any of her things - they are all still horded away in the house. *sigh* But it's just stuff.
So that's my stress, and the week is yet over. My husband and I are excited about getting away, even if it's only for 24 short hours, and spend some needed 1-on-1 time together. Hopefully, it will all be worth the stress!
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