Ok, I know that every workplace has it's fair share of drama - especially in a woman-ladened profession such as teaching and daycare (right next door). But it's getting ridiculous!
My boss used to own both the private school AND the daycare which share the same building. She was overwhelmed by running both, being principal, teacher, business owner, etc., etc. so she sold the daycare this past fall (to a friend) hoping things would transition smoothly through the school year.
It's not.
The stress is getting to me, and personally, I'm dealing with some delimmas: do I stay and work through my committment of the whole school year when I am honestly not sure that my job with last that long? Or cut losses now and look for another job?
Disclaimer: There are NO teaching jobs in this area. When I got engaged last spring, I started looking, and looking...and this is what I was able to come up with (a job at a private school). It's not that I was even turned down, or wasn't interviewed: there were NO JOBS to apply for! And frankly, I took what I could. But hourly, I'm not even being paid minimum wage (for Washington state). Granted, I know I'm not at the building for 40 hours a week, but I WORK 40 hours a week, ya know what I mean? So that's why I'm even temped to just go and take a minimum wage job.
What's my problem? I'm a person of my word. I said I would teach for this school year, and I feel bound by my word. But I need to talk to my boss and make sure she's being honest with me about the rest of the year.
How does this affect my weight loss journey? GREATLY! Dealing with stress and drama leaves me to CRAVINGS! But I'm learning to pray through it instead.... still learning.
Hubby took me to lunch yesterday. It was a way to get away from the building, and a nice (short) respite, but Taco Time doesn't have a lot of great meals while watching your weight. And yes, I did abstain from soda, but Powerade has quite a few calories, I found out. So I went over today...
And today was a PLANNED sleep-in day, so no work outs.
Nutrition:
Goal: 1,200 - 1,550
Consumed: 1,750
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
Day 28 - blah day...
This morning (day 29) I woke up like normal and came to finish my blog for day 28 to find that all I did yesterday (blog-wise) was to actually set up the day. The entry was blank.... Sorta like my day.
I was in a FUNK! I was letting all those bad conversations hit me like a ton of bricks! Needless to say, it was an ugly day in my head.
I DID start to track my food, and frankly gave up mid-afternoon. I "fed" my bad-head-talk with popcorn. Light, with just a couple dashes of kettle corn sprinkle stuff. As per normal, it didn't fill the void, nor calm the bad-talk in my head.
So my choices yesterday were all "good" choices as far as CHOICES go, but the portions I'm sure were not, as were the reasons behind WHEN I ate. There were a few times I stood in front of the fridge thinking "what are you DOING? You're not hungry, get out of the fridge!" Most of the time it worked.
My relationships are a little out of whack here at home, and I"m sure that's a huge part of it. I'm always at odds with my own kids over something or another, and add my two step kids (who are with us Mon-Wed) and that's just more fun to the mix.
And then my husband - who is a WONDERFUL, FABULOUS man, and I love him dearly. But he works LONG hours 4 days a week, and is fighting a nasty head cold on top of it all. His wife is dying for his attention, but knows that it's not really the time to be asking for it. And just when his work week is done, his kids show up and THEY want his attention. At times I feel like the cook and maid who just lives here, shuffling around doing my chores. See what I mean? UGLY head-thoughts....
And I'm watching the Biggest Loser and slightly strengthened when the girls are getting around my weight (190's/180's) and are having a hard time pulling more than 1-3 lbs. a week ON THE BIGGEST LOSER RANCH! If they struggle at times, I guess that means I can too, right?
Well, I did get a small workout in before church, but no nutritional tracking.
Workout:
Treadmill: 55 min, 474 cals.
Here's to a better Day 29 - both tracking and mental head talk!
I was in a FUNK! I was letting all those bad conversations hit me like a ton of bricks! Needless to say, it was an ugly day in my head.
I DID start to track my food, and frankly gave up mid-afternoon. I "fed" my bad-head-talk with popcorn. Light, with just a couple dashes of kettle corn sprinkle stuff. As per normal, it didn't fill the void, nor calm the bad-talk in my head.
So my choices yesterday were all "good" choices as far as CHOICES go, but the portions I'm sure were not, as were the reasons behind WHEN I ate. There were a few times I stood in front of the fridge thinking "what are you DOING? You're not hungry, get out of the fridge!" Most of the time it worked.
My relationships are a little out of whack here at home, and I"m sure that's a huge part of it. I'm always at odds with my own kids over something or another, and add my two step kids (who are with us Mon-Wed) and that's just more fun to the mix.
And then my husband - who is a WONDERFUL, FABULOUS man, and I love him dearly. But he works LONG hours 4 days a week, and is fighting a nasty head cold on top of it all. His wife is dying for his attention, but knows that it's not really the time to be asking for it. And just when his work week is done, his kids show up and THEY want his attention. At times I feel like the cook and maid who just lives here, shuffling around doing my chores. See what I mean? UGLY head-thoughts....
And I'm watching the Biggest Loser and slightly strengthened when the girls are getting around my weight (190's/180's) and are having a hard time pulling more than 1-3 lbs. a week ON THE BIGGEST LOSER RANCH! If they struggle at times, I guess that means I can too, right?
Well, I did get a small workout in before church, but no nutritional tracking.
Workout:
Treadmill: 55 min, 474 cals.
Here's to a better Day 29 - both tracking and mental head talk!
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Day 27
Today I took a "sneak peak" on the scale. My period finally wrapped up (I DO NOT go on the scale during my period. It's just an untruth filled with bloat and misery!), and so I stepped on it. It read: 193 lbs. (Previous: 196) I'm feeling good that the scale is finally going down. I'm a little disheartened that it's ONLY 3 lbs in 4 weeks. (That's less than a lb a wk.) But I do know that the first couple of weeks took a bit of panning out with exercise and nutrition - especially to the realization that I needed to track my nutrion, and not just assume I made good choices through the day. The choice of WHAT I was eating might have been fine, but the portion or frequency of eating wasn't where it should have been.
My clothes DO feel "bigger" and it's frustrating. Clothes I used to fit into just fine this summer still are still a bit snug, but clothes that I've recently been wearing are getting looser, and I have a pair of jeans that I need to wash all the time to keep them "shrunk up!" Yes, I would love to go out and buy new clothes, but not only is it not a reality in my budget, but when I have a closet full of clothes already, I really can't justify more.
Workouts:
Treadmill watching BL: 1hr, 13 min, 618 calories
I have noticed that my "resting" heart rate is REALLY low (60's-70's) - to the point where I even replaced the battery on my chest belt! But I know that as you get more fit, your resting hear rate gets lower. So once I'm warmed up, I do a few short sprints to actually get it UP! Today I ran faster on my treadmill (5.7) than I ever have before! It may not seem very fast, but it was for me (especially for 30 - 60 sec intervals)! I got the idea from Biggest Loser where they really push them beyond their comfort zones, having them run 10 sec sprints at crazy speeds - 8.0, 9.0! Wow! I'm not even sure my treadmill goes that high, much less with ME on it!
Nutrition:
Calorie goal: 1,200 - 1,550
Calories consumed: 1107
At the last minute I made Chicken Noodle Soup for my hubby who is fighting a cold. There's just something about homemade soup that does a body wonders, and I was hoping that it would do him well. But of course, there's not a lot of calories in soup and pretty filling too. So I was a little low today...which I think is ok too - offsets all those days I was a "little over," huh? ;-)
My clothes DO feel "bigger" and it's frustrating. Clothes I used to fit into just fine this summer still are still a bit snug, but clothes that I've recently been wearing are getting looser, and I have a pair of jeans that I need to wash all the time to keep them "shrunk up!" Yes, I would love to go out and buy new clothes, but not only is it not a reality in my budget, but when I have a closet full of clothes already, I really can't justify more.
Workouts:
Treadmill watching BL: 1hr, 13 min, 618 calories
I have noticed that my "resting" heart rate is REALLY low (60's-70's) - to the point where I even replaced the battery on my chest belt! But I know that as you get more fit, your resting hear rate gets lower. So once I'm warmed up, I do a few short sprints to actually get it UP! Today I ran faster on my treadmill (5.7) than I ever have before! It may not seem very fast, but it was for me (especially for 30 - 60 sec intervals)! I got the idea from Biggest Loser where they really push them beyond their comfort zones, having them run 10 sec sprints at crazy speeds - 8.0, 9.0! Wow! I'm not even sure my treadmill goes that high, much less with ME on it!
Nutrition:
Calorie goal: 1,200 - 1,550
Calories consumed: 1107
At the last minute I made Chicken Noodle Soup for my hubby who is fighting a cold. There's just something about homemade soup that does a body wonders, and I was hoping that it would do him well. But of course, there's not a lot of calories in soup and pretty filling too. So I was a little low today...which I think is ok too - offsets all those days I was a "little over," huh? ;-)
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Day 26 - on the upswing
This morning is already a better morning (emotionally). Yes, it still hurts, and I'm still missing my dog. But she was old and in horrible pain, and now I don't have to watch her suffer.
My daughter even seems a little more chipper today, although it's another emotional day for her as well - this is her last day at the private school that I teach at - she's going to public school on Monday that's just 1 1/2 blocks down from our house. This is the first time she won't be going to the same school that mommy is teaching at. I won't get into all the reasons why, but it's going to be a good thing in the long run, but she's going to miss her private school friends. But this is NOT "goodbye," just "see you later."
The even better news (for me) is that it's a half day grade prep. I'm almost done with report cards for the semester, so that means that I can come home sooner than later and get in my workout, because I got to sleep in this morning! (I needed it after the emotional rollercoaster with the dog this week.)
Lunch time....
Urg, what SHOULD have been a swift, easy half day at work turned into a mess! Drama, drama, drama! (Which I do NOT like.) My boss has all of a sudden found me to be her new BFF confidant, and I worry more and more about my job. I'm half tempted to really just find a new one. We figured out the other day that even if I got a min. wage, 40 hr/wk job, I would be making more a month. Ok...I admit, I don't spend 40 hours at work a week, but I DO put in 40 hrs a week...lesson planning, etc., etc. But dealing with drama just isn't worth it! So I succumbed to a brownie for snack. (And YES, it WAS good!) Good thing my breakfast was light! I think I'll keep lunch light too since it's now 2pm, and I technically haven't even eaten more than a clementine orange! Maybe another Shakeology since my second bag just arrived via mail today, and I still need to work out!
...later...
Well, I did get in a short workout. It was interrupted by a great surprise: a call from Japan! My brother and his wife moved to Japan earlier this month. Luckily, we got to see him at Christmas time, and surprisingly, I miss them already (we are just SO different, that sometimes it's hard to spend a lot of time with them all at once). He's Air Force, so they will be spending at least the next 4 years there, and it was really good to hear from him - we talked for almost an hour!
After that it was really hard to get back to my workout! Not onlyl had my heart rate decreased, but I just really wasn't in the mood to do it anymore, and my hip has really been flaring up - especially with the step aerobics! I can't afford to go in and get it checked right now. Putting down our dog this week has made an unexpected dent into our budget (it's EXPENSIVE!) and I don't get paid until Tuesday...IF I even get my check! (Boss has been having $$$ problems, so I'm a little nervous to say the least....) So I need to really look into getting some advice on keeping my HR up, but trying not to aggrivate my hip so much. Guess it's just going to be a lot of walking and upperbody stuff for me. That does not make me happy.
Workouts:
Step Aerobics - watching BL: 40 min, 372 cals
Nutrition:
Calorie Goal: 1,200 - 1,550
Calories consumed: 1353
My daughter even seems a little more chipper today, although it's another emotional day for her as well - this is her last day at the private school that I teach at - she's going to public school on Monday that's just 1 1/2 blocks down from our house. This is the first time she won't be going to the same school that mommy is teaching at. I won't get into all the reasons why, but it's going to be a good thing in the long run, but she's going to miss her private school friends. But this is NOT "goodbye," just "see you later."
The even better news (for me) is that it's a half day grade prep. I'm almost done with report cards for the semester, so that means that I can come home sooner than later and get in my workout, because I got to sleep in this morning! (I needed it after the emotional rollercoaster with the dog this week.)
Lunch time....
Urg, what SHOULD have been a swift, easy half day at work turned into a mess! Drama, drama, drama! (Which I do NOT like.) My boss has all of a sudden found me to be her new BFF confidant, and I worry more and more about my job. I'm half tempted to really just find a new one. We figured out the other day that even if I got a min. wage, 40 hr/wk job, I would be making more a month. Ok...I admit, I don't spend 40 hours at work a week, but I DO put in 40 hrs a week...lesson planning, etc., etc. But dealing with drama just isn't worth it! So I succumbed to a brownie for snack. (And YES, it WAS good!) Good thing my breakfast was light! I think I'll keep lunch light too since it's now 2pm, and I technically haven't even eaten more than a clementine orange! Maybe another Shakeology since my second bag just arrived via mail today, and I still need to work out!
...later...
Well, I did get in a short workout. It was interrupted by a great surprise: a call from Japan! My brother and his wife moved to Japan earlier this month. Luckily, we got to see him at Christmas time, and surprisingly, I miss them already (we are just SO different, that sometimes it's hard to spend a lot of time with them all at once). He's Air Force, so they will be spending at least the next 4 years there, and it was really good to hear from him - we talked for almost an hour!
After that it was really hard to get back to my workout! Not onlyl had my heart rate decreased, but I just really wasn't in the mood to do it anymore, and my hip has really been flaring up - especially with the step aerobics! I can't afford to go in and get it checked right now. Putting down our dog this week has made an unexpected dent into our budget (it's EXPENSIVE!) and I don't get paid until Tuesday...IF I even get my check! (Boss has been having $$$ problems, so I'm a little nervous to say the least....) So I need to really look into getting some advice on keeping my HR up, but trying not to aggrivate my hip so much. Guess it's just going to be a lot of walking and upperbody stuff for me. That does not make me happy.
Workouts:
Step Aerobics - watching BL: 40 min, 372 cals
Nutrition:
Calorie Goal: 1,200 - 1,550
Calories consumed: 1353
Friday, January 27, 2012
Day 25 - a sad day in the journey of life
Today we put down Rainie, my chocolate lab of 14 years. To say it minimally, it was a sucky day.
I was giving myself the day "off." "Off" from the challenge, "off" from working out and eating well.
Ha, ya know, it's kinda funny...but when you work really hard at something, you really don't want to screw it all up with an "off" day. So I just walked on the treadmill with 1 lb wrist weights. And although I was "off" today, I still tracked all my food, and yes, I did go over my calorie allotment, but I made GOOD CHOICES! I did not grab chocolate, I did not go and get fried, greasy junk food that I really WAS craving badly!
In retrospect, the only things I should have done differently is make my snacks a little lighter (in the AM I had cottage cheese, but only had the 2% kind instead of my normal non-fat, and my Shakeology in the PM was mixed with OJ and Almond milk instead of water), and drink more water. I know I didn't drink enough and feel a little dehydrated. I don't even regret the 4 oz. of white wine with hubby after dinner. NOPE. Gotta still live....
Workouts:
Walking on Treadmill with 1 lb. hand weights: 44 min, 435 cals.
Nutrition:
Goal: 1,200 - 1,550
Calories consumed: 1,887 (over by 337)
Tomorrow is a new day.
Tomorrow will be a better day, and it will continue to get easier (emotional-wise) each and everyday.
I will give myself permission to cry.
I will give myself permission to grieve.
But I do NOT give myself permission to hide in the comfort of food and calories.
I was giving myself the day "off." "Off" from the challenge, "off" from working out and eating well.
Ha, ya know, it's kinda funny...but when you work really hard at something, you really don't want to screw it all up with an "off" day. So I just walked on the treadmill with 1 lb wrist weights. And although I was "off" today, I still tracked all my food, and yes, I did go over my calorie allotment, but I made GOOD CHOICES! I did not grab chocolate, I did not go and get fried, greasy junk food that I really WAS craving badly!
In retrospect, the only things I should have done differently is make my snacks a little lighter (in the AM I had cottage cheese, but only had the 2% kind instead of my normal non-fat, and my Shakeology in the PM was mixed with OJ and Almond milk instead of water), and drink more water. I know I didn't drink enough and feel a little dehydrated. I don't even regret the 4 oz. of white wine with hubby after dinner. NOPE. Gotta still live....
Workouts:
Walking on Treadmill with 1 lb. hand weights: 44 min, 435 cals.
Nutrition:
Goal: 1,200 - 1,550
Calories consumed: 1,887 (over by 337)
Tomorrow is a new day.
Tomorrow will be a better day, and it will continue to get easier (emotional-wise) each and everyday.
I will give myself permission to cry.
I will give myself permission to grieve.
But I do NOT give myself permission to hide in the comfort of food and calories.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Day 24 - shoulda saw the signs...
The day didn't start well...shoulda known it probably wouldn't end well...
It started out sleeping through my alarm (don't you hate that?)...so not only did I miss my workout, but I was running frantically through the house. LUCKILY, I wasn't too late (overall), but pinched enough on time that my normal routine was completely out of whack. Then my step-daughter decided to take my shower time (yes, I was up by then) which set me back ANOTHER 15 minutes, and when I could finally get in the shower, my son had my bathroom "occupied." Yep...that was the start to my day...
Forgot my waterbottle AND my Shakeology as I ran out the door...luckily, I think I remembered my head...but only because it was attached.
No Workouts.
As we got home from a glorious day at work, the step daughter was already ticked off at the world (this is more "normal" than not, but still adds to the stress of the house), and then I realized that our 14 year old Chocolate Lab was taking a turn for the worse...
Our Rainie....
Rainie came to our family when my son (now 16) was just 2. So she's been with him practically his whole life, and since we rescued her, she's always just been a very grateful, loving family pet. This past year her arthritis has really flared up, and I knew we probably wouldn't have another year with her. In fact, when my husband and I got married this summer, I'm surprised that she made the trip from our home in Washington to our new home in Idaho. But that's Rainie: a trooper. She's been through marriage #1, the divorce, most of my son's life, my daughter's life, 4 moves and now a new marriage/familly. She's really been through it all with me and my kids. Now, sadly, she's really suffering. She can't go up or down the back porch steps to go to the bathroom, and it kills me to see her suffer.
I couldn't eat dinner tonight. I'm just sick to my stomach. I guess in retrospect, it's a good thing that I calorie loaded up at the beginning of my day. Sorta. Weight-loss wise, the thing I'm worried about is that I quickly go from not being able to eat (my stomach just kills me) to wanting to eat EVERYTHING to mask the pain and bad feelings. I can't do that. I can't self-soothe that way anymore.
Nutrition:
Goal: 1,200 - 1,550
Calories consumed: 1,401
It started out sleeping through my alarm (don't you hate that?)...so not only did I miss my workout, but I was running frantically through the house. LUCKILY, I wasn't too late (overall), but pinched enough on time that my normal routine was completely out of whack. Then my step-daughter decided to take my shower time (yes, I was up by then) which set me back ANOTHER 15 minutes, and when I could finally get in the shower, my son had my bathroom "occupied." Yep...that was the start to my day...
Forgot my waterbottle AND my Shakeology as I ran out the door...luckily, I think I remembered my head...but only because it was attached.
No Workouts.
As we got home from a glorious day at work, the step daughter was already ticked off at the world (this is more "normal" than not, but still adds to the stress of the house), and then I realized that our 14 year old Chocolate Lab was taking a turn for the worse...
Our Rainie....
Rainie came to our family when my son (now 16) was just 2. So she's been with him practically his whole life, and since we rescued her, she's always just been a very grateful, loving family pet. This past year her arthritis has really flared up, and I knew we probably wouldn't have another year with her. In fact, when my husband and I got married this summer, I'm surprised that she made the trip from our home in Washington to our new home in Idaho. But that's Rainie: a trooper. She's been through marriage #1, the divorce, most of my son's life, my daughter's life, 4 moves and now a new marriage/familly. She's really been through it all with me and my kids. Now, sadly, she's really suffering. She can't go up or down the back porch steps to go to the bathroom, and it kills me to see her suffer.
I couldn't eat dinner tonight. I'm just sick to my stomach. I guess in retrospect, it's a good thing that I calorie loaded up at the beginning of my day. Sorta. Weight-loss wise, the thing I'm worried about is that I quickly go from not being able to eat (my stomach just kills me) to wanting to eat EVERYTHING to mask the pain and bad feelings. I can't do that. I can't self-soothe that way anymore.
Nutrition:
Goal: 1,200 - 1,550
Calories consumed: 1,401
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Day 23...*warning: "female content"! Males beware! ;-)
Sorry guys, but I have to forewarn you, there's going to be a lot of "girl talk" in this one.
Mother nature arrived last night, and I have to tell you that I feel the difference this month (in a very positive way)! Normally, my boobs ache about 5 days beforehand (during that lovely "PMS week"). I've always known it was due to the amount of soda that I consume, but I never knew if it was related to the carbonation, artificial sweeteners or sodium in the soda, or just the crap in soda itself! I guess it doesn't really matter, but anyway, I only had a 1/2 day of problems with that this month.
But even better, I started during the night last night (which is pretty normal for me), and "felt" inside what was going on. BUT NO CRAMPS! Really! I don't get those horrible, debilitating cramps like some women where they have to stay home, etc. But on Day 1, I usually get my fair share and inhale enough Advil to choke a horse! (And usually with a Diet Coke for the caffeine to open up the capillaries!) And on TOP of it all, I woke up feeling pretty good this morning! Usually on Day 1, I wake up exhausted and just overall wanting to go back to bed. NOPE! Yay! Awesome! If this is what each period will be like from now on, I'm a new woman! ;-)
Workouts:
Still not overly "peppy" to do more than a treadmill workout, despite the lack of fatigue.
Treadmill: 46 min, 399 calories
Tonight's dinner menu is Asian food - potstickers, Sweet & Sour Meatballs (from the Beachbody cookbook!), Soba noodles & stir fry. I'm going to need to watch the potstickers and soy sauce: too much sodium! I'll have to drink a lot of water today for sure!
Nutrition:
Goal: 1,200 - 1,550
Calories consumed: I have no idea...
I'm sure it was over 1,550. I did pretty good during the day, but succumbed to a Fast Break candy bar... And I stuck with mainly stir-fry for dinner tonight, but I'm sure I went over too... *sigh* New day tomorrow...
Mother nature arrived last night, and I have to tell you that I feel the difference this month (in a very positive way)! Normally, my boobs ache about 5 days beforehand (during that lovely "PMS week"). I've always known it was due to the amount of soda that I consume, but I never knew if it was related to the carbonation, artificial sweeteners or sodium in the soda, or just the crap in soda itself! I guess it doesn't really matter, but anyway, I only had a 1/2 day of problems with that this month.
But even better, I started during the night last night (which is pretty normal for me), and "felt" inside what was going on. BUT NO CRAMPS! Really! I don't get those horrible, debilitating cramps like some women where they have to stay home, etc. But on Day 1, I usually get my fair share and inhale enough Advil to choke a horse! (And usually with a Diet Coke for the caffeine to open up the capillaries!) And on TOP of it all, I woke up feeling pretty good this morning! Usually on Day 1, I wake up exhausted and just overall wanting to go back to bed. NOPE! Yay! Awesome! If this is what each period will be like from now on, I'm a new woman! ;-)
Workouts:
Still not overly "peppy" to do more than a treadmill workout, despite the lack of fatigue.
Treadmill: 46 min, 399 calories
Tonight's dinner menu is Asian food - potstickers, Sweet & Sour Meatballs (from the Beachbody cookbook!), Soba noodles & stir fry. I'm going to need to watch the potstickers and soy sauce: too much sodium! I'll have to drink a lot of water today for sure!
Nutrition:
Goal: 1,200 - 1,550
Calories consumed: I have no idea...
I'm sure it was over 1,550. I did pretty good during the day, but succumbed to a Fast Break candy bar... And I stuck with mainly stir-fry for dinner tonight, but I'm sure I went over too... *sigh* New day tomorrow...
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